*HAPPY SOUL

“baby you're the best i ever had”

For today, i'd like to refer you guys here please note the lyrics :)

My personality is like this, i'm know for my indecisiveness and once i do make a decision and put my foot on it, i still wonder what would happen if i had chosen another path. But you see, fellow readers of a very random blog, there is no turning back this time :) I have to live with it for possibly the rest of my life. But i've learnt a life lesson this time, for every happy thing that happens in your life, you'll always have to pay a price - and this price can be of any value.

Its kind of funny also, my stupid horoscope also points out the importance to think over a decision to make sure its what i want. But what's even funnier is that i've reached the end of the line, it's the bottom of the ocean, and this time there is no way out. I don't even know if he reads this, but our conflicts have always circled the trust issue. I can't really pick out any of the fights we've had that hasn't been about trust. This stupid entry sounds more dramatic than it really is. But this time around, there's no reversal. It'll never go back to even talking terms because i've been blocked. The power of words are really kicking in this time, and there is no 'action' involved. I woke up this morning and it felt like i've lost a big piece of me that i can't redeem. But all i can do now is resent, and regret. Thats right, i regret. You out of all people should know what i'm like but it seems to me that you know me less. All i can say now is whatever because thats obviously what you feel about the whole thing. I don't want your shit so i'm going to chuck it back at your place.

After everything we've been through, all i can say is i cherish the memories the most. People change, for better or worse. But in your case, you transformed into a totally different person whom knows his ability to put others at fault. I cherish my memories because they're the only things that don't change about a person or their association. Indelible memories will stay with me for the rest of my life, i will try as hard as i can that i ever had any conflict. I am not going to apologise, but this time its your problem. Maybe you're living better this way? I admit it felt so good yesterday to tell you how i felt :) I'm not a bitch, i'm just 'selfish'. Live a happy life man.

kthnxbye.

------edit*

10.25PM on a wednesday evening. I can't help but regret a lot of things i've done, and some may automatically assume that they know what i regret but my mind is more complex than that. I've reached a point where there's no turning back with a friend, and it is not until today that a friend knocked some sense into me. He said it doesn't matter who's fault it was, but an apology will definitely fix it and if you think they're not even worth an 'i'm sorry' then maybe the friendship wasn't strong enough in the first place. I've got it that i'm not going to apologize this time, because its crystal clear that he's drawn that invincible barrier than i will never get across again. Right now, i'm just glad that my friends have stood by me all along. Ctee's post today referred me back to my old archives of 2007, i realised that i was already pretty upset at that stage for so many things. I just can't believe it dragged on for so long, nothing ever changed. I've learnt a life lesson... don't pick up random guys from the library. (: Hehe, jokes la.. i don't regret any of the happy times i've had. I regret what we've become, but i read all these comments on a forum about what made them cry and it hits me because i see all these girls crying over guys that don't return calls and guys that make them wait and i think to myself --- "what the hell thats so stupid" So i've got my mindset on other things this year, i want to get into uni. And the rest of the story continues as my life progresses.

Thank you ctee for her wonderful hospitality. I love love loved your spaghetti with whatever sauce it was called :) i also enjoyed Max's company very much, despite the doggy breath that plumes over us when we were watching movies :) looking forward to a great year at school with ctee, betty, marcus and eddy and everyone who i've missed out from school.

For today, i'd like to refer you guys here please note the lyrics :)