“baby you're the best i ever had”
crying
Saturday, February 16, 2008 || 4:46 pm
So i guess i finally exploded, i knew this crying episode was coming up some time soon. I feel so guilty for wasting so much time, i never knew it would come to this. Nobody really tries to make it better, but i'm not putting the blame on anyone because in the end it is I who makes the decisions on when i do or don't do work. I now know what it feels like to really waste time, and the after effects, especially during such an important year. It sort of feels like my life has suddenly plunged down into a hole, and and i'm still falling. We received our exam notifications for maths this week, and when i got home, i was informed that my math tutor lesson was cancelled, which was supposed to be today, because of my sister (yet more time wasted doing absolutely nothing).
Everything was going so fine, now i feel like i'm in a complete mess. I don't know where everything is and i don't know where to start. That feeling of being lost is so crap. I also hate the fact that I was blamed for having the tuition session cancelled. I do admit, that a lot of the things i say aren't what i really want --- thats something i still need to fix. But you'd think people that have lived with me for almost 17 years of my life would understand me most, but i guess i was wrong. I'm so disorganised.
So now i have tutoring for maths AND english on TUESDAY. She organises it like, Tuesdays nothing, like she didn't know what Tuesday is. I'll remember this birthday, the shittiest birthday i'll ever have after that one three years ago when i got the shittiest day at badminton.
Fuck this shit. Dad and Joanne are home, more shit to deal with.