*HAPPY SOUL

“baby you're the best i ever had”

Warning: A depressing, yet thought-provoking entry ahead. If you suffer from pre-HSC-trials stress, its is recommended that you DO NOT read a word after this warning.


As many of you would probably know, we're on our last 'weekend' of our so-called 'holiday' before we resume the routine of going to school and listening to the teachers work you up for the upcoming trials examinations --- which are taking place in week 4/5 for our school. I find this fact so depressing, I remember two years ago... when i was still a year10-er, i didn't have a thing to worry about. I was so motivated to do work, I actually enjoyed completing the pile of homework that my teachers set me. But nowadays, I just dread this next part of my life so much that i find myself tossing and turning in bed at night, figuring out what i have and haven't done that day and regretting the time i wasted.

Although, i've made quite a few attempts at studying at a library, i still feel that i haven't done sufficient amount of work. Its just not enough to make me feel like i'm doing alright at school, it actually feels that i've been left behind and am struggling to catch up. It doesn't quite help either, when your mathematics tutor thinks you're a dumbass. I'm just starting to understand all that simple harmonic motion and projectile motion crap, but it is already a given that my maths teacher at school is just going to trail all his students behind, thanks to his shit job at teaching. Don't get me wrong, i'm 100% sure he knows all his stuff, its just that he lacks a 75% of skill in teaching. What kind of teacher, only goes through the basic information, copies everything from different textbooks, skips all the basic examples and moves onto the more complex questions? What kind of teacher, teaches one (two if we're lucky) example/s a lesson? Whats shit about that is, complaining doesn't help anymore.

I won't deny that my mood has been changing quite quickly these days. I don't like the feeling of stupidity, regret, and having to put up with childish people. I'm also not liking the looks of my HSC, and wish i could just dive into a hole, die and rot in there, and hopefully nobody will notice that i'm gone. Alright, thats sounding a tad too suicidal for me (lol?) But you get what i mean by it. WYD concludes today, and we'll be seeing less of those pilgrims in the bright red and orange backpack. That Chinese Continuers speaking exam is creeping slowly towards me, yet i haven't even had the time to re-read the syllabus and write out questions and answers for them. I feel so unorganised :( .. I'm so worried about English, coming up on Thursday. It is an assessment on speeches, and i've got all my notes and whatnot, but i'm having difficulty integrating all the ideas together to make a good flowing essay.

Being term 3 of year12, it will be our last proper term at school and then its the final event. Whether we get through it successfully or not, it is it will change the lives of year12s inevitably. I truly envy those people who happen to go out frequently, yet they still maintain good grades.Term 3, the pressure is on us now! The final weeks that give us the very last opportunity to absorb every bit of information our teachers provide us, and after that, we're on our own. It makes me cry, everytime i think about how I've wastefully used my time to do unworthy things. Especially of last year, but i guess it's true when they say "There's no use crying over spilt milk" .. you can't change the past, yeh? So why don't we change what happens in my life in the next 60 years or so!

Oh, about childish people? I've met countless immature people but i've never actually been so irritated by one person on their own. I don't understand how they manage to just piss me off every single time we talk. It's only one year age difference, but he has this tendency to tick me off every time. Honestly, don't you have better things to do rather than make other people's lives a living hell on top of their HSC stress? Can't you be that tiny little bit more considerate, so we know that you do respect the fact that this last high school year affects our lives greatly? Otherwise, go skip off and play your pokemon games, or go to drink ups because you're so fuckin' hardcore, because i've had enough of it. And next time you cross the line, I swear by the block/delete function on my msn messenger contact list.

The next our weeks won't be a happy period of time, it's full of hard work, and study and I can predict that i'll be crying very frequently. Sometimes i hate my crybaby tendencies, it just gives my sensitive personality away, and people just don't take you as seriously as before.

Right this very moment, i hate the higher school certificate, annoying immature people, knowing that i've wasted time, knowing that i have to lift my game or else i'll be going to tafe, or living on the streets. OKAY these are the things i really hate right now, and to type them out, lets just say i'll need to overcome all these obstacles in order to get to the other side of the spectrum. After all this is over, and i've successfully tried my best at everything i attempt, i'll be living a happier life, and i'll have everything i need in order to get through life. COME ON LEANNNN you can do it! Thinking about trying is not an option! I HAVE TO ACTUALLY TRY.

Phew, after i've written all that out. I can actually be able to do a bit of work, as this has been on my mind for long time now :)

Well.. here's something people can read when they're procrastinating!