*HAPPY SOUL

“baby you're the best i ever had”

Don't you just absolutely hate how the weather fluctuates so often before the seasons change? Although, i'm quite content with today's warm sunny weather, I just hate the fact that the moment i get home, its like i've fallen into a hole that led me to Antarctica. But apart from the weather, there are a good few things i'm quite unhappy about, and whether or not i'll mention it in this entry, will really depend on what comes to mind (i.e. the things that shit me most).

Well, like all other hsc students in the state, i've been stressing for a good few months about my trials, and to be honest, i'm really wasting my time here spreading the hate for the hsc. My room is in such a mess that i'm not movitated to do any work whatsoever. However, when the time comes and i actually do feel like getting my act together and cleaning my desk, I will put my foot on it and start 'cramming' until the end of the HSC. We all tend to say that, i know, but this time i just can't afford to fuck up any further exams. This next month has been scheduled for a good solid month of studying. I cannot express how much i hate my HSC right now, and i do admit that i've thought about repeating, but thats just out of the story. I regret so much i did last year, and sometimes i wish i could just go back and re-do everything a different way, that way i wouldn't be in such a fucked up situation right now. It does seem like i write alot about my regrets in this blog doesnt it? I'm generally not a negative person but honestly, there are so many things i would change about myself but i can't at this moment.

School has been a top priority for me for the past few months, but there are also those minor things that have really been ticking me off. I don't even know where to start, because there are just so many things here and there that have been on my mind lately. A lot of it does have to do with people that i don't wish to speak to/hear from and i wished they'd just leave it be. I don't reply because I don't find the need to anymore, because time and time again they message you, you message back whole-heartedly only to find that they only 'try to keep in contact with you' to see if you still give a flying fuck about them, so yeah, thats a minor thing. Another thing is how much bitching goes on behind peoples' backs - not necessarily mine(although its most probably because i'm not aware of it) but I'm starting to get tired of hearing the same stories over and over again about who did what and where and why because there are so many better things to do rather than treat people who treat you like friends like shit, yeah? I just don't understand how people can be so two-faced to the point where you're in a situation to betray your friends' trust. But its alright, i'm lucky that i have friends that i know i can trust and vice versa.

I've been quite moody recently, and i do apologise to those who i piss off when i'm in such a crappy state. And then there are those controversial conversations I've had with a multitude of people from different places, but i'd like to keep it confidential and anonymous.

Thanks to all those people who have put up with my shit, because it does take a lot to tolerate my bitchiness and stubborn ways. ^^;;

I've spun off on a tangent again, (btw, fuck i hate maths) - i better get off to do something productive, be it to clean my room or watch television, at least i'm not wasting my life away doing something that doesn't make me feel all that much better.

Until we see the backs of the HSC, i guess i won't be frequenting this blog very much. So.. au revoir!

ps. i love ctee, betty and jenny (: and you (me) of course.