Entry title quoted from:
Realize - Colbie Caillat
Excuse the irrelevance of the graphic, and get ready for a relatively bland entry.
Many things have happened to those around me whom i love very, very much. No matter good or bad, mild or severe ... and as Newton's third law of emotion rectifies, to every action there is not necessarily equal but there definitely is an opposite reaction. The worst feeling to feel when I'm around those people who don't have it very well at the moment, is when i feel useless or when they pretend to be okay but it's obvious when they're not. So many things are happening in the world at the same time, I guess i can't help every single one of them.
I admire those who have braved the storms in their young lives. And i sympathise for those who've had rough childhoods. I don't quite like sympathy though, but a little bit doesn't hurt. I wished i could make things better for these people, like... somehow put a 'bandaid' over their rough childhood wounds and nurse them back to a state of happiness.
But ultimately, it's really not up to anybody but them to change their perspective of life. As friends, all we can do is give them unconditional support and whatnot with a hope (even the tiniest amount) that things will change for them. :( Sigh, and i complain so much about my life... My problems are just tiny hurdles compared to their mountains of hardships.
On another note, I watched Up in 3D with Chanel last night :) Epic cute movie, i absolutely love Dug the dog :) "I was hiding under your porch because I love you!" Hahaha the cutest thing ever, and the cone of shame hahahaha! Chanel fell asleep in the movie, just because, apparently she always does no matter how good or bad a movie is. I'm going to get my act together now. But my biological clock keeps fucking with me, and i don't understand because I left my phone to charge on the floor last night and i set my wake up alarm for 7Aam but i woke up at 1pm and it was on my bed and i have no memory whatsoever of getting out of bed to grab my phone.
I'm getting bouts of paranoia now, so i'm going to stop some of the bad habits I've adopted this year. It's a scary feeling because i can't control my thoughts and sometimes i feel so alone in my room but at the same time, i always check over my shoulder to see if someone's watching me as i type on my laptop. I don't want to live in fear, and ever since that morning after Godskitchen, i feel that i fear death a lot more than i used to. So.. yeah whatever.
At this point, it's a pity that the only thing that i can associate with your name is hatred. But have to keep reminding myself that it was who you were that drove me towards this extreme hatred, it was what you did that keep serving as a reminder of why i hate you, and now it's the way you you live that pisses me off the most and that is with hypocrisy. Fuck you for giving me shit for those several months for everything, and turning around and doing each and every one of those things you made me cry about. Fucking grow some balls. Fuckface, i'm so glad i deleted you off msn :D but you haven't a clue... just because you can still see me online, doesn't mean i can see your name anymore. Maybe i'll block you soon, kthxbye have a nice life because I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND AT ALL.