I'm so annoyed! So.. annoyed that i could punch a cow in the face and it'd faint on the spot. Haha! Well, it's been a (ooh it's 1:11AM right now) a while... since the last rough patch in my life but funnily enough, it always snakes back to me! I started work at a pharmacy in Campsie last week, and it's quite a tedious job. But after all, i'm still just a junior... just have to work my way up! I'm going to save up for a corolla :) because they are quite cute.
I'm growing into a fat blob, because i eat lots and exercise minimally. I've started devising my cram-plan for finals! Which have been released, but i haven't gotten around to checking it. I've got nothing to lose now, but my education. So i can't let it go so easily. I've been a huge disappointment to many, many people in recent days, and the feeling of guilt overwhelms me. I feel this guilt because these people mean so much to me, and to see the disappointment and sadness on their faces hit me like a tonne of bricks.
If you've been following my blog closely, it's been shrouded with misery-dust. Hahaha! :) Although the dust storm has cleared... sometimes I have difficulty blocking out the residual debris of my very own natural disaster of my life. Like today, someone brought it all back up again, but i tried with all my might to block it all out. Because i told myself, or perhaps someone more intelligent than me told me, that no matter how much you care about someone, if they don't choose to reciprocate the friendship, then there's nothing you can do to fix it. So basically, i've tried to convince myself that nothing's going to change, because after this long... i could never tell when they cared, and when they didn't. Let's not get started with the whole lying thing. And the whole "why the fuck should i tell you" story. Yeah, it just doesn't work. I may have lost a good friend, but at least i still have my dignity... or what remains of my dignity.
Anyhow, i want to go to the Summer Party :) I'm going to see if i can do anything to join the I heart UTS team. It's sad, i know but i want to get involved with my uni. I wouldn't have a clue as to how i'd be a useful committee member though.
OH and i apologise to everyone who i've disappointed/hurt in the eighteen years of my life. And i thank those who still stand by me no matter how many times i've done something wrong. At this point in life, it's all about conciliation. I love my friendsss bigtime! :) xx