"The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I'll lie awake and miss you."
It's 2010. In fact, we're already a week and two days into the new year. I won't deny that 2009 ended on a relatively bitter note, which has been ongoing even up until now. This has put a lot of stress on me. And this has caused my parentals to put me at fault, probably every waking minute of the day. Perhaps I've given them the impression that I'm careless, that I don't give a flying fuck about this issue. OR MAYBE I'm just good at trying to look on the bright side.
Shit, I've had enough of your nagging. I know it's because you 'care' about me, or whatever reason you gave me. But I don't need unnecessary problems, because I think my brain is on the brink of imploding. I don't think I'm looking at this positively anymore. I try, and I try --- but all I get are shots of negativity. You may not realise, but it all occurs to me as discouragement.
I want to cry, everytime you give me shit. No, not because I'm being unreasonable. I lie awake at night sometimes, not because I had too much coffee during the day. But because think about my problems, and the anger just prevents me from drifting off to a peaceful refuge for the standard 8 hours.
The dream gods are also playing with my mind. Why am I constantly running away from people in my dreams? A friend suggested that it was because I fear a future confrontation. It would have been relevant if this was a few days ago. But in my dreams, after what feels like a good few hours of pursuit, I end up somewhere nice and peaceful. I'd be laying in a small, but dainty pool in the middle of what looked like a maze of rosey hedges (roses don't grow on hedges, or do they?).
I have so many unfinished tasks. It's like exam time all over again --- how I tend to leave everything until the very last minute. Procastination is a bitch. It drives me fucking crazy. I create problems quicker than I can solve them. I just want a hug :)
Mmm... Eww turning 19 soon. I'll save that for another post. Thank you dear blog, I feel much better after venting all that ^ out.
L xx