“baby you're the best i ever had”
i'm a bitch
Monday, January 30, 2012 || 3:18 am
Blogging because I feel like I have problems suppressing myself from being a bitch. I can't help it. Why do I even feel like this. I'm so confused about what I really want. I hate it, I fucking hate where I am right now because I'm in between everything. It feels like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I'm slowly asphyxiating from all the options I am/might need to choose. I hate this. A part of me is feeling guilty for the littlest things which I should not be feeling guilty for. And another part of me is feeling sorry for myself, which again I just shouldn't.
There's no such thing as feeling sorry for yourself, all the decisions you make are your own. Whether or not it becomes a 'good' decision or a negative one, you choose where you want to end up.
I hate this stupid shit brought upon by other people, in reality I am in no place to say or do anything but sometimes the ignorance just cannot be ignored. Its at the point where I just don't know what to do, and often find myself hovering my thumbs over the call button to the counsellor I saw before. I may be having my mid-life crisis a little early hey? Haha but nah, I just don't see why people can be so selfish, and proceed to distribute blame across the family.
I can't escape my feelings; that is, I don't want to fucking grow up at such a quick rate, but at the same time I want to get the fuck out of uni so I can send her back to Hong Kong so she can be happy. I hate the amount of work she has to do each day, and I hate the way a someone is treating us. ASJKHFJDHG My brain hurts because this pisses me off so bad I want to cry. But who can I tell all my problems to... I've been feeling like a huge burden or 'deadweight' to everybody these days and I'm so scared of what might become of me...
Oh my god. I wish I was the happy person I used to be, but then that still doesn't change the fact that as I get older, my responsibilities slowly creep into my life and I don't even want to realise them just yet. But I guess it's about time... I'm just saying it'd be nice to have someone to fall back on when things/I fuck up. As opposed to my tendency to repel those who try to help me along the way.
Hahaha, ugh omg not to sound like a complete emo, I think I'm just broken at the moment.